Grief takes time
Mood:  sad
Topic: Dealing with loss
I lost a friend last week.

Someone I had met online. We talked regularly and he became an expected part of my day. I came home last Wednesday to find several emails from other friends either telling me he had passed or seeking comfort themselves for his loss.

Steve was much too vital to go when he did. His lifestyle was not active but his mind was always moving. He adored his young nieces and showed a soft side of his rough exterior when he talked, no - when he gushed about them. In their eyes he found a larger universe than he ever knew existed. He found pure unconditional love and for the first time, I believe, felt it in his heart. He would have given anything for those girls unless it meant changing a dirty diaper. LOL He was still that much of a bachelor.

When I bought my house, Steve worried with me. Talked me down several times from panic attacks of whether I was doing the right thing. Kept after me about loans and insurance and finally gave me a thumbs up when I negotiated a good rate.

When the girlfriend of an ex began harrassing me again, Steve was entralled by the drama. I always thought he would have made a great soap opera fan. *grin*

Whenever he went on vacation I knew to look for a postcard. Sadly some of his mail didn't make it to me right after I moved last summer.

Steve will never be known as someone who was politically correct. He did not suffer fools or posers gladly and called it as he saw it. He loved the debate and loved winning more. He was bombastic and often argumentative but he was never dull.

And I will miss him...

It's taken more than a week to be able to add this to my blog. The tears still come easily when I dwell on the fact that he's gone. I miss his presence. I miss his wit and I even miss his stubborness.

He was taken one day short of his 42nd birthday by a massive heart attack. But he died peacefully in his sleep. He would have hated being incapacitated and dependent on others.

I think its going to be a long time before I can remember him without being sad, without being selfish and without mourning him.

You will be missed mesawmi...

http://www.friendshipsfire.com/steve/hurts.html