Anger
Mood:  down
Topic: Anger
Sometimes anger is the only thing that keeps the other demons at bay.

Anger is the soul's defense against hurt and pain. It serves as a buffer to keep
the heart's suffering from overwhelming us. We cloak ourselves in it's numbing rage so that we don't have to deal with whatever issues lurk beneath the surface, unrecognized by the conscious mind.

As the anger subsides we are forced to peel away the facade. Often kicking and screaming, protesting all the way, we face those inner demons and find truth. Sometimes that means we collapse back into a deep ball of hurt that takes longer to emerge from. Perhaps that's the true source of anger. Fear. No one likes to hurt. No one wants to be in pain, tormented by self doubts and recriminations. Thats why we wrap ourselves in the anger. It's easier to explode at those around us and leave the unsettled emotion with them than it is to look inside for what's really wrong.

It doesn't mean anger does us any favors. It often masks the real problem and allows us to avoid addressing the true issues that are causing us distress. But managed, it can keep us sane until we're ready to face the truth.

It's a process....

It takes time to even realize why the rage exists and then more to find the root of its cause. Anger will only completely fade once we've sifted through and found the core of it's essence. First will come admission and acceptance and then the long process of healing.

I have been angry. At everything. At everyone. Finally the anger broke and I could see several nodules which had been feeding my rage, and it was indeed rage. Death. Loss. Stress. Dissatisfaction with life in general had caused me to be short tempered and clipped in my replies to many. I regret those quick unchecked impulses. As I let go of the emotion of one, the sorrow of another arrived to quickly fill the void as I knew it would. I spent a morning crying, mourning the loss of a friend, of a life I always thought I would have but which had escaped me, and the inevitable shortening of time left for me to live life.

It's easy to speak the positive words but so much harder to live them. I keep trying.



A mirror of this blog is at:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bkhager/2063.html